Talking to the Crazy Girl
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: Watching Sothis taunt him, Byleth didn't know which prospect was worse - that he was mad, or that he was divine.


**Talking to the Crazy Girl**

"Tell me – when they kill using the techniques you imparted to them, will they thank you for it?"

Byleth, left hand on a parchment and right hand holding a quill, shivered. It was the Hour of the Wolf, and his candle burnt dim. Behind him was a bed that called for his body. All around him were books, written by men and women far more learned than he was. Under him was a chair, holding his aching body up. And before him, hovering in the air like a malicious sprite, was the girl that kept appearing to him. The girl no other mortal in this place could see. The girl that indicated that either he was mad, or possessed of sight no other man could claim.

"It's so rude to ignore people you know."

Being a madman or being an oracle. He wasn't sure what was worse. Gritting his teeth, fighting to keep his eyes open, he returned to his lesson plan for the morrow.

"I mean, I keep trying to help you when you speak to those wide-eyed imbeciles, and you keep ignoring me. I mean, I could help you now if you let me."

"Go away."

"So the teacher does talk. That's good." She ran a finger across one of her very large, very pointy ears. "I was afraid that you might have gone deaf."

Byleth kept writing.

"I suppose that's to be expected. When you hear the screams of the dying, is it that your ear itself is damaged, or your mind bids that you no longer hear their song? When the wall crumbles, when the sound of a thousand hoofs bears down upon you, when siege towers crumble and battering rams break down the doors of one's home…is it that the ear gives out? Or something else?"

Byleth kept writing.

"I know you're not deaf though good sir. You've killed at least a dozen people as a mercenary, but their screams no longer keep you up at night."

"You're keeping me up at night."

"Actually, your lesson plans are keeping you up at night. But that's right. Blame little ol' me." She let out a giggle. "This is fun. I had no idea that teaching could be so fun!"

It wasn't teaching. It was class preparation. But that was a difference that Byleth had no intention of imparting to the demon hovering before him. Or sprite. Or ghost. Or whatever the hell Sothis was.

He took a moment to meet her gaze. She smirked, just as she had when she'd first appeared to him in the Officers' Academy of Fódlan. He'd been dumbstruck, and had almost asked his students if they were seeing her – the hovering little witch with green hair, pointy ears, and clothing that could be described with any word bar "modest." He'd saved his pride that day, and continued with the lesson. What he hadn't saved however, was his sanity. She'd talked to him. Mocked him. She'd given her name as Sothis, then disappeared, only to appear before him again a few days later. Back and forth, without rhyme or reason, no words spoken bar veiled insults and allusions to a coming calamity.

"Interesting," Sothis said.

Byleth nearly let out a yelp. So focused on Sothis's past appearances, he hadn't noticed that she'd come around his desk to float behind him. He shivered as she put a hand on his shoulder.

"Situations were cavalry is best kept in the centre of the line rather than the flanks," she murmured. "Did you write that?"

"Of course I wrote that," he murmured.

"Hmm. A bit dry, but looking at your treatise, it's much more intricate than those silly weapon triangles you began with at the start." She giggled and floated upwards, before flying around the air in the shape of a triangle. "I hate triangles. Everyone seems to love them, but I don't."

"Fascinating," Byleth murmured.

"Why don't weapons come in squares? Or pentagons? Or…or hexagons?!" she exclaimed. "A hexagon has twice as many sides as a triangle. So if everyone loves triangles, shouldn't people love hexagons?"

Byleth folded up the parchment.

"Or enneagons? They have nine sides you know."

He couldn't deal with this. Besides, he had enough written down here for at least half of tomorrow's lesson. The rest of it, he could either improvise, or count on the students to keep interrupting him. The sons and daughters of the continent's kingdoms they might be, but in other ways, they were just as obnoxious as any commoner's son or daughter. Heck, arguably even more obnoxious – at least the commoner knew their place in life.

It bothered him, that he'd only been here a few months, and he was thinking himself as being separate from those he'd once fought alongside. But that disturbance was nothing compared to the witch that drifted down before him.

"You're unhappy," Sothis said. "I don't like it when you're unhappy."

He snorted. "Want me to be happy? Then go away."

Sothis looked sad. Actually sad. Incredible. Either the little witch was more manipulative than he thought, or he was beyond the reach of sanity entirely.

"I might go away," she whispered. "But what about you? You'll still be here. Preparing mortals for the coming war."

"There's no coming war," Byleth murmured. He turned away and began walking to a small table, one carrying a single glass alongside a single bottle of wine.

"Oh Byleth," Sothis said. "Of course there's war coming. There's always a war."

He poured himself a glass – two would give him a hangover. One would help him sleep.

"Granted, the war this time will be a bit different," Sothis said. "Usually wars begin when one nation attacks another. Often those nations were allies at some point."

Byleth took a sip, or rather, a gulp.

"And often there's some mean nasty person making life miserable for everyone. Still, there are exceptions."

"And is this an exception?" Byleth murmured.

"Oh yes. This time we get a three way war, and you'll have to pick a side." Sothis floated over and, floating upside down, lowered her head to meet Byleth's gaze. "Isn't that fun? You'll effectively be a mercenary again."

He took another gulp and finished the wine.

"I wonder what will determine your choice. Gold? Loyalty? Principle?"

He put the glass back on the table and turned around.

"Or will it be for whoever spreads her legs out?"

Byleth spun around, a dagger in hand. It was pointed at Sothis's neck.

"Get out of my head," he whispered.

"Oh Byleth," she giggled. "Must you be so angry? I mean, if there's a story mankind loves more than war, it's love."

"What?"

"People like you who find people to offer themselves on the field of battle. Blood outside, blood inside, blood coming out when a little bastard is born, who'll grow up with more little bastards to keep killing people." She laughed, nay, cackled. "Truly life is a magnificent thing, isn't it? Why, there's even marriage at the end of it!"

Byleth sheathed the dagger and turned around. He needed sleep. Mad or not, so far, Sothis had never interacted with the world physically, only him. If he got into bed…he yawned, closing his eyes for a bit, as he kept walking.

"Bed's taken."

He let out a yell, as he saw Sothis lying on it.

_It's getting worse._

She floated up off the bed. Her arms out. Her eyes twinkling. Her teeth as white as a hungry wolf.

"You never answered my question," she whispered. "When they kill using the techniques you taught them, will they thank you for it?"

_Get out of my head. _He put his hands over his eyes and began rubbing.

"On the field of battle," Sothis whispered, her voice low, his breath in his ear. "Will they praise you? Or, as they lie dying in the mud, will they cry out for the ones who bore them?"

"Get out of my head," he whispered.

"Teacher, lord, mercenary," Sothis whispered. "I name you avatar. And do you know why?"

"Get out of my head!" He swung the dagger, but it was to no avail. Sothis was too fast. The dagger hit naught but air.

"Oh Byleth," she laughed. "If you'd waited just a few more seconds, I could have told you the greatest secret of all."

"Secret?"

"Alas, you are insane." She giggled. "Well, more insane than the rest of the Goddess's children. The same children that war against beast, against dragon, against demon, against each other." She floated over, gesturing to a map of the continent mounted on the wall. "A giant free for all. Who will win, I wonder?"

"Why?"

"Hmm?" She looked down at Byleth. "Why what?"

"Why…why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This!"

"What, laughing and all that?" Sothis let out a giggle for good measure. "Haven't you guessed?"

Byleth said nothing. Did nothing. Not even as she floated down.

"Because it's fun," Sothis whispered. "Because I love games like this. Because you'll play your role, as I'll play mine, and the great game will continue, as it always does."

She was mad, or he was, Byleth reflected. There was nothing else.

"Sleep well, oh lord," Sothis said. "Big days await, and it will take time before one shares the bed with you."

And with that, she bopped him on the nose before disappearing. Laughing. Finally, leaving him alone.

As it was, he had two glasses of wine that night.

* * *

_A/N_

_Yes, I doubt Sothis will actually be like this in _Three Houses, _but...I dunno. Sociopath!Sothis is Fun!Sothis. Deal with it._


End file.
